Thursday, December 31, 2009

Ready to Live a New Experience


Sometimes I just don't feel like I belong in this world. I feel like I am not getting something - like there is something that alludes me. I just can't quite get a hand on it all. I am always a little scattered, a little stressed, a little tense. I am ready to just relax. I am ready to enjoy and to leisure.

My ultimate goal in life is to be a Lady of Leisure. Hahaha. It sounds so pretentious and so shallow. But, it is really what I want.

I have pondered a lot over the meaning of Leisure or perhaps, just my interpretation of it. I believe that the primary luxury about leisure-ing is not the activity of it but the time to be able to do it. Time is a luxury.

I want to be able to just spend my time doing exactly what I want.

That is the leisure I seek.

Then how would I spend this leisure time and this is where I get excited. There are so many things I want to experience in this life. My list is ample and dreamy and I want to do it all.

I want to have lifetimes and lifetimes of experience in this one life I have.

And it is time for me to create a new life experience for myself. I am ready for change. I am ready to live a new experience.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 2:33 PM 0 comments

Last of 2009

This morning Michelle is remembered fondly in all the papers and on the news. Her death is slowly seeping into me.

It is a tough time of year, here we approach a New Year, only a few hours away. We want to celebrate 2009 and all we have accomplished and survive while putting forth new wishes and dreams which we want to have come to fruition in 2010. Then losing someone so close and so special in such a tragic way places a spin on perspective.

What is important? My primary wishes for 2010 is health and family.

Every morning in yoga for my prayer I think of my mother and I want her to be healthy and strong again. I also think of myself and how I really want to meet someone incredibly special who I can share my life with. I have watched my father care for my mother during this difficult time and I am learning a new meaning of marriage and commitment. He has been an incredible support for my family. I want that same strength in a partner for myself.

I have had the bad luck of falling for men who disappear when life gets tough. They have abandoned me when I needed someone who could help. These last two men in my life have taught me that I only have myself in life to depend on. I only have myself to be there for me when life gets tough. Yet, I see my father and I see that he is there for my Mother 24/7. He doesn't get mad, and throw a hissy fit and walk out the door when it gets hard. He stays. And not only does he stay, but he provides a place of warmth, compassion, nurturing and love.

This is what I want. I want a man who not only stays when life is hard but he makes life a better place and he transforms hard times into times of love.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 2:32 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Leaving 2009

I also leave 2009 having just gotten off the phone with my ex. You know the ex you keep going back to even though they treated you like shit because you have yet to fall in love with someone else. That Ex.

He told me that things most likely would have worked out in our relationship if we had more communication and if he did not run away every time he felt upset or challenged. No Shit Sherlock. Thank you for waking up 2 years later.

My mom has cancer, a friend died, I have no NY Plans, my floors are dirty, my ex apologizes, my other ex stood me up over Christmas, a Z List local movie star got car jacked with her car crashing into the local media station, where they had her carjacking headlining right above the jacked car, Tiger is a Cheetah, my Mackage jacket I ordered online won't be here for another week, inventory tomorrow, I bite my nails - and this is how I leave 2009 - the single digits.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 2:31 PM 0 comments

Relationship Goal

I enter 2010 being single. I will leave 2010 completely in love.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 2:30 PM 0 comments

Handstand Goal

I enter 2010 being able to do handstands with the support of a wall. I want to leave 2010 being able to do handstands with no wall support.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 2:29 PM 0 comments

End of a Decade

I am entering a new year, a new decade, double digits and teens. It is a full moon and a blue moon on the last day of the year.

Life feels random and mixed up right now.

This morning I had a great yoga class in the morning at 7am. A 20 minute sauna after in the infra-red sauna, I showered with my new Christmas Occitane Travel Shampoo and Apres-Shamoo (which confuses me because I keep putting the Apres in my hair first because I read the word shampoo and I don't translate the Apres). I cried in the shower at the public yoga studio. Is that tacky?

Then I drove out of my way to JJBean on Davie & Homer. The tall bearded Emo Barista greated me - which confused me because I've never spoken to the Barrista before. We chatted about how this morning felt like not quite a holiday and not quite a work day type of day. It was quiet.

I went to the Maritime Museum with Link. It was lightly raining today and it was grey. I walk listening to my iPod, Link runs around off leash. We carefully approach a man with two dogs. Then this Boudoir Dog approaches and doesn't listen to the owner calling him. The owner approaches from another direction. His dog attacks my dog. My dog is screaming. I dropped my JJ Bean Latte trying to rescue my dog. Link runs to the witness who is telling the Boudoir Dog Owner to get his dog on a leash. Then I just lose my shit on this guy and I threw my empty Latte Cup at him. WTF!!! Who does that?! What mature adult throws their empty latte cup at the person whose dog attacked their dog at the dog park on the beach in December in Vancouver.

I am left with a relatively good chuckle after this episode.

Then later today there was another dog catastrophe where Bella who was visiting Link at the store. Grabbed his bone and ran and ran and ran into the street. It was a nightmare. She ran across the street in the dark in front of car and Link followed and it was absolutely horrible.

I walked into the store only to be told 2 minutes later on the phone that Michelle Lang died today in a car side bombing in Afghanistan.

Then it is weird. Then Life changes.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 2:28 PM 0 comments