No Nothing
My life feels like a mess. Everything is messy. I am living at a friend's house while my house under the last of it's renovations. Half my clothes are on the floor in the bedroom here, the other half is stuffed in garbage bags in the living room of the new house. My office is a huge scattering of papers and nothing makes sense to me. I feel so disconnected from everything. My van is a horror show. I have not brushed my hair in ages. I just don't really care about my appearance like I did a couple of months ago.
Does this mean I am depressed? I don't feel depressed. I just feel tired, lazy and far away. I feel like I am having break downs. The men are really just not into me.
I am not getting asked out. I have chewed all of my nails off. My feet are a pedicure night mare. I have no tan and not motivation to tan. I am dead broke and lost.
I feel totally rock bottom. Okay, maybe, not totally, but close to it.
live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.
Boom
There is so much happening in my life. I am excited and nervous and surprised. I am creating that I move through all of this with grace, ease, vitality, and fulfillment.
Then..... boom... my mom walks in and says all this stuff and I am rubbing my eyes and feeling like shit.
live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.
Amor Toi Aussie
Hello darling,
i just came from a friend, we played some music, had a few joint and now it's 3.40 in the morning. it's raining here, spring begins, it's always raining here...
it's nice you found that tape. it's good the word "trust" came back into your life. i like those moments in life when you discover something who was hidden somewhere for many years. it's like when you're getting closer to somebody you know for long... spring begins...
I like all those nice words you writing to me, all of them, you know, even from where i am now i fell your breath in my neck... it's nice you tell about us together in India, even if i never been physical with you, i always wish that my company would "touch" you .
I have also an amazing story to tell you. i was on Om beach since 4 days doing the usual smoking, lay on the beach, drink some tchai, go swimming. so, on that day i went to swim and , as i come out i see a guy , sitting at the same table we were sitting last year (i even had the same room !), so when i came closer i realise that he was my best friend in Paris from my 8 until my 14, and then one day he moved and we never met again.
it was nice, we spend one day and one night talking about the past, the parents , other friends, we were really amazed by our encounter. he's been living for most of the time in he caribean, because when i was in is class, i would go every summer holidays to Guadeloupe and Martinique, so he was curious... eventually, we spend 14 days on Om beach... the day i left, we were crying like kids (maybe the kids in us).
i send you some pictures from my trip. i wish you all the best.
i think of you.
Be good
Love
Alain
Here is my delicious French man who I did not allow myself to enjoy last year when I was India. I was so blocked from allowing him to love me. I avoided letting him in and I put my attention on someone else to distract him away from me. But, we were so close and spent so much time together. I really value him and I love him.
I called him about an hour ago. He is living in Belgium. It is -1 there and he and his friends are staying in and smoking ganga. He is absolutely delicious. He is planning on visiting me in a few months. He told me that he loved me. Wow. I am so melted right now..... and horny.
Here are some photos he sent me from his latest trip to India. Hmmmm. Did I mention that he is delicious?
live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.
Slot Machine Sex
In the last two weeks I have been to New York, moved houses and.... called an ex-boyfriend from 6 years ago and I apologized for making him wrong.
Has there been any love and sexy moments in the past few weeks?
Yes and No.
I reconnected with falling in love every man I see - an experience I have not had since I was twenty-four. I am crushing on so many men right men.
But, I am not dating. I have not been asked out and I do not have time.
I had a blind date in New York with Marc. I had a fantastic time. It was an overall fabulous blind date. And, if blind dates were always as fabulous as that one was, then I would recommened absolutely everyone go on them all the time.
I am seeing Brent tonight for the first time since I last blogged. When I returned from NY he was in Hawaii and then Whistler. I was smoking busy last week and did not have an inch to spare in time.
I had a 48 hour break down in time management two weeks ago. I still experience having tons on my plate and the time I would prefer to accomplish everything in does not exist. But, sleeping less has helped and being more effective in all my communication zips everything along.
I went crazy at Victoria Secret buying tons of cute panties. I did not buy bras as I do not wear them.... kinky. But, I am a panty pig. I love panties. I am so excited to prep my bikini line and to look absolutely fabulous in a pink thong from Betsy Johnston. Hmmm, so delicious and yummy and exciting.
Maybe, tonight will be the night that I will be hot and Brent will be hot. When you're hot, you're hot. When you're not, you're not.
Mental note to self not to collapse love and sex. Sex is like a slot machine, sometimes you are lucky.
live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.
