Love Stuck

Are We in a Porn?

The idea I have been exploring in my Twitter this week is Men approaching sex as if they are in a porn. Is it appropriate for a man to come in a women's face the first time you have sex or not have sex. And flipping the woman over for doggy styles seems to becoming a common trend. Anal probing seems to also be an immediate thing to hit - nipple, clitoris, vagina, anus. These have become the immediate erogenous zones - they are really the obvious spots.

What has happened to seducing a woman with romance?

Even though men can hit all my hot spots and make all of the right actions with his hands and tongue - none of this has given me a good orgasm in the past several months. With Alejandro I kind of thought that I was having a sexual disfunction. I honestly felt like I lost my vagina. It just disappeared and I could not, for the love of god, locate it when I was with him.

Lubricants also seem to be making a big appearance in sex these days. I understand why people would opt to use lubricant. But, really, if I am not all juiced up and slippery naturally then perhaps HE has not turned me on enough. And, if this is the case, why would I allow him to take a short cut to lube to get me ready instead of working to arouse me naturally.

Everyone is in a hurry these days and wants the quick fix and the immediate result without, perhaps, the work.

Dr. Marta Meana claims that when it comes to sex, what women really want is to be wanted. "Being desired is the real orgasm," she says.

"I'm not knocking orgasms," she says. "But being desired is extremely arousing for women. The reason for that is that being desired means that a man doesn't just want to have sex. He wants to have sex with you."

I think there is an incredible amount of truth to this statement. I really just want to know that man I am with wants to have sex with me. For the past several months, I have not had one male partner that has made me feel truly special in that moment with him.

A friend suggested to me tonight that perhaps I was sleeping with these men too quickly and yes, this seems to be the logical answer.

My defense is this.

Paul, knew each other for 2 years, flirting and dating for 4 weeks before we had sex.

Alejandro, has been pursuing me for 3.5 years, we kissed on and off for 2 months before we had sex. I lost my vagina with him, he used the lube and then came in my hair. None of it was good.

Alex, we had great hook-ups and conversations. We were in regular contact for two weeks. Then we had one great night of fucking - he did flip me over. We went for a round two the next morning, I was already bored, because he was pulling out the exact same moves, he used the night before in the same order.

Ultimately, none of these men left me with the feeling that they really desired me. I did not feel special with any of them. And I really did not want to have sex with them again without more connection. I think in each of these cases we were connecting until we had sex. Then once, we had sex, the disconnect started.

What is this disconnect and how do we overcome it?


live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.

Labels: desire is the way to female orgasm, men watch porn and want to reenact in bedroom, What is the disconnect, women are turned on by desire

posted by Lady Leisure @ 3:03 PM