• I do the GROUSE GRIND 2 Times • I practice YOGA 5 Times a Week • I snowboard one time • I eat salads minimum once a day • I eat veggies + fruits for snacks (not chips + chocolate bars) • I update my iPod once a week • I enrol for Kiteboarding Lessons for May or June • I enrol for a Yoga intensive weekend for June • I visit with a friend every day • I kiss a man minimum once a week • I give my number to a man once a week • I go on a date twice a week • I jog two times a week • I plant flowers + Seeds • I change Lightbulb in my Bedroom • I change Light bulbs in my dining room • I clean my bathroom twice • I clean my kitchen twice • I mop + sweep twice • I blog about dating 4 times a week • I see Hot Tub Time Machine • I watch Hockey Games with Friends • • I finish Jan – March 2010 GST • I finish Oct – Dec 2009 GST • I finish July – Sept 2009 GST • I finish Employee Witholdings • I pay PST • I update my website 4 times a week • I finish the schedule • I order the clock Necklaces • I order the Fringe Necklaces • I order Hilliard Design • I order a new Card Company in • I Sell 4 Hammock Chairs • I change the Crystal Light Bulb in Store
with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.
The idea I have been exploring in my Twitter this week is Men approaching sex as if they are in a porn. Is it appropriate for a man to come in a women's face the first time you have sex or not have sex. And flipping the woman over for doggy styles seems to becoming a common trend. Anal probing seems to also be an immediate thing to hit - nipple, clitoris, vagina, anus. These have become the immediate erogenous zones - they are really the obvious spots.
What has happened to seducing a woman with romance?
Even though men can hit all my hot spots and make all of the right actions with his hands and tongue - none of this has given me a good orgasm in the past several months. With Alejandro I kind of thought that I was having a sexual disfunction. I honestly felt like I lost my vagina. It just disappeared and I could not, for the love of god, locate it when I was with him.
Lubricants also seem to be making a big appearance in sex these days. I understand why people would opt to use lubricant. But, really, if I am not all juiced up and slippery naturally then perhaps HE has not turned me on enough. And, if this is the case, why would I allow him to take a short cut to lube to get me ready instead of working to arouse me naturally.
Everyone is in a hurry these days and wants the quick fix and the immediate result without, perhaps, the work.
Dr. Marta Meana claims that when it comes to sex, what women really want is to be wanted. "Being desired is the real orgasm," she says.
"I'm not knocking orgasms," she says. "But being desired is extremely arousing for women. The reason for that is that being desired means that a man doesn't just want to have sex. He wants to have sex with you."
I think there is an incredible amount of truth to this statement. I really just want to know that man I am with wants to have sex with me. For the past several months, I have not had one male partner that has made me feel truly special in that moment with him.
A friend suggested to me tonight that perhaps I was sleeping with these men too quickly and yes, this seems to be the logical answer.
My defense is this.
Paul, knew each other for 2 years, flirting and dating for 4 weeks before we had sex.
Alejandro, has been pursuing me for 3.5 years, we kissed on and off for 2 months before we had sex. I lost my vagina with him, he used the lube and then came in my hair. None of it was good.
Alex, we had great hook-ups and conversations. We were in regular contact for two weeks. Then we had one great night of fucking - he did flip me over. We went for a round two the next morning, I was already bored, because he was pulling out the exact same moves, he used the night before in the same order.
Ultimately, none of these men left me with the feeling that they really desired me. I did not feel special with any of them. And I really did not want to have sex with them again without more connection. I think in each of these cases we were connecting until we had sex. Then once, we had sex, the disconnect started.
What is this disconnect and how do we overcome it?
live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.
I just went for a walk with Justin - a single male in his early 30's. I asked him about his porn consumption. He watches every couple of days or essentially when he gets horny.
I then asked him about coming in the face. He seemed a little shocked at that idea.
I asked him about doggy style the first time you have sex. He said it depends on the sex - is it rough or not. Generally he allows her to lead the first few times he has sex with her. Then he likes to take more control. I like this idea and I agree with it.
I think it is important to allow the female to set the boundaries at first. Then one you feel you have reached a certain level, I would love the man to take power of the sex. But, it can be a turn off if a man just starts setting the pace of sex for the first few times.
Justin also felt that it made more sense from a legal stand point to allow her to take control the first few times. Lol. He is a lawyer.
live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.
I am seriously considering driving around BC and to major cities across Canada to seek a place where men are responsible, generous, wanting to pursue and wanting commitment.
It has to be better than what is available in Vancouver. I know too many single, beautiful and fabulous women in their mid-30's and early 40's in this city. And I just feel that if I stay here then this will also be my destiny.
I want to share my life, get married and raise a family with someone.
What are your recommendations? What towns and cities are best for men in this country?
live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.
There is one thing I am convinced of. I am convinced that if I stay in Vancouver then I will stay single.
The men in this city are not men. They are spoiled, juvenile guys who are self-absorbed and arrogant. They think the way to get a girl is to think about themselves, talk about themselves, pay 1/2, not to confirm plans for a date because something better may happen, to tell me how busy they are, how active their social life is, what properties that have bought, what car they own, how much they earn, how they got around paying full taxes, when they work out and pretty much anything that is all about them.
They have forgotten chivalry. They only time they open my car door for me is when they need to walk around the car to fart once I am inside. They may pick up the tab but it comes with a comment, "Next time you get it," or "You drove." They can't even pick up the fucking tab anymore without an excuse or letting me know not to get use to it.
Then you must think, just as I do, that this guy is just not into me. I get home from another lame date or I wait a few days and no word from them, so I begin deleting.
I have turned deleting into an art form. Not only do I delete his name from my address book, I delete my call list and my text list. If we emailed, then I delete all his incoming emails, all my outgoing, all drafts, and then I empty the trash. Even if he is not a friend on Facebook, don't just delete him, block him. I love Blocking. This is a great feature from Facebook and I highly recommend you use it.
After experiencing these self-absorbed men, who forgot the art of pursuing, and have engaged in a lame interaction of I- am-cool-and-you-should-want-me-so-here-I-am-and-there-is-another-girl-right-behind-you-so-don't-get-comfortable. By now, we have all read and watched, He's Just Not that Into You. We have now been retrained to understand that if a guy is being a dick, then he is a dick. So why do I tolerate this bad behaviour for a month or two?
When I first met Alex, it was sweet and enduring and fun. I felt sexy and happy. Then it turned into a weird, awkward, bleh, situation. I have been deleting him from my life once a week for a month now. Yet, he somehow has endured these deletions because he will email, text or drop my store. He redeems himself. He'll ask me snowboarding but not for dinner. He will ask me to a movie with 12 of his friends but not alone. He will come by my store and bring me lunch, but he will only give himself time for a 6 minute hello.
I am left with total confusion. Does he like?! Really?! It is hard to believe because in one regard his actions seem sincere and sweet. But, he can be so self-absorbed when he does these things.
For example, he came by my store on Wednesday for 10 minutes and he brought me fruit for lunch. Really sweet. But then he proceeded to talk about his taxes and contract with his company and his accountant. Of course, he managed to tell me he earned $72,000 last year and paid $2000 in taxes. So, is he trying to impress me with how much he earned? Because, I would be much more impressed by him if he planned and paid for a special date for he and I.
The amount of money he earns, his BMW, his Ford Truck, and Porsche mean nothing to me if he doesn't ask me about me. I don't care that he bought a fourth house last week, wants to buy a sailboat next week and retire in a few months if he doesn't take the time to kiss me or call me. None of his accomplishments or the size of his bank account or the amount of his assets have any value to me if he is being a douche bag. These 'things' that he wants me to know about him are worthless in my mind if he doesn't man up when it comes to being romantic with me and showing me he cares for me.
So my dilemma is bachelors in their early 30's seem as if they are out to prove themselves t women by showing off their assets but not by being respectful and chivalrous. And I am bored.
I have dated a millionaire. The lifestyle was fantastic. I loved it but I didn't love him. I decided that having an authentic connection was more important to me than having the million. So here I have put myself out there for this authentic connection and I repeatedly meet men who are more concerned about their money then they are about authentically connecting.
Yes, I want to feel taken care of emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially. Yes, I would love to be able to relax and not worry about paying bills and scraping along. But, once again, I will state, when I am with a man, regardless of how much money he has, I want him to focus on me.
live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.ll
Watching 'Lost'. Daniel Whitmore asks Hume, "do you believe in Love at first sight?"
Then Daniel proceeds to talk about the red haired beauty with blue eyes. As Hume seeks out Penny.
My friend Monique asked me tonight if I had faith.
I don't know anymore. I did have it. But, now at 33 years, it is gone. I have experienced repeated disappointments during the past years. I just don't know if I have it in me any more to keep believing, to keep picking myself up after more disappointments. I am sad and exhausted from dating in this city - dating which never leads to anything of substance.
Yet, I know that if I want to experience marriage and kids that I do not have time to mourn these disappointments. I have to pick myself up and continue to put the smile on my face and be a happy and strong person.
live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.
I have downloaded new music to my iPod. In the process of cleaning my house. Reading Mars + Venus on a Date and The 4 Hour Work Week. Sunny but wind storm warning. Heading to Tracy's Yoga Class at 2:30. I am focussing on myself.
Alex has texted me every day since the Alice in Wonderland debacle. He asked me to go snowboarding today but he had to cancel because of work. He came by my store yesterday and brought me fruit. Super sweet - a good recovery.
But, then, I guess I get too sucked in and I sent him a casual email last night asking if he wanted to watch Hot Tub Time Machine. He responded within an hour with "I can't. I am drowning my sorrows in wine tonight."
Then we take a couple of steps back. Just a solid no. I was not even asking with a specific time or date in mind. Just asking. I knew as soon as I sent the email that it was a mistake. But, I felt confident. He came by my work - he must be interested. Right?
He just says No with not alternatives as to another time or something that may work better. Just no.
So is he a terrible communicator or just terribly inconsiderate or terribly rude or terrible not interested in me? Or all?
live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.
Tonight I bought Mars and Venus on a date. Someone snitched my copy. I have been without it for 2 years. I have only read a few pages and I already feel better.
Alex sent me an email asking to go snowboarding this week. I am not sure how I feel. I need to read more of the book before I respond.
live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.
Thursday day I went up to Whistler for the day with Alex.We had a great day and great conditions; however no intimacy between Alex and I.One point at lunch, I said that we should make out.He responded with, you just put lip gloss on and where?It killed my mood.
Mis-communications seem to happen continuously for the rest of the day and into the evening of mushrooms, Alice in Wonderland 3D.It peaked in a moment where I thought he was communicating to me that he had another date joining him that he preferred to sit next to.It was strange and weird.I sat elsewhere between Ling + Mark.Alex snapped a little and surprised that I “isolated” myself + did not save him 2 seats.
It is too much work for me.I want fun, trust, respect, consistency, generosity, sharing and sex.
No more games.No more hot + cold.No more atrocious communication.
live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.
Kenny, 34 years old and a recent transfer to Toronto from Vancouver, said men in Vancouver are self-absorbed.
Self-absorbed.
Hmmmmm. I believe that this is a spot on statement. I have been dating men my age, in their early 30’s for a year now. I have consistently been experiencing the same re-occurring theme with them. At first they appear interested and we connect on a friend level and sexually. Usually after our first intense sexual connection they pull away – they take space.
Then when they return, our dynamics have shifted. We seem to have lost our friend connection and suddenly we enter this awkward world of dating. Bleh. Yuck.
I have blamed myself for this awkwardness. Does my head start swimming in expectations or rules?
Maybe.
But, this idea of self-absorbed interests me.
Let’s talk Alex. He is the most recent guy I have been seeing. The first times I met him, he spoke openly about wanting a relationship, wanting to share his life, wanting to get married and wanting kids. Now, he talks about himself, his goals, his accomplishments, his life, his ideas and himself. This is great except he does not seem interested in wanting to hear about me or what I want. I also feel prohibited in sharing that I also want to meet a partner and share my life, get married, have kids. Once I say the same things, I feel men start touching me with giant tongs to hold me at a distance because I have somehow transformed into a needy, desperate woman who only wants to meet men to get married and have babies because my biological clock is ticking.
Which is not true. I want to have regular sex. I want to wake up in someone’s arms and share life’s experience with someone.
On Thursday night I was annoyed with Alex. Like really annoyed. He communicates nothing to me and I feel that I am left in a situation where I am to guess what is happening or to assume I am meant to be next to him. I feel like my position is that of a cute puppy with no voice but to follow Alex around on his whims.
I feel confused by this. I am so accustomed to being an independent that I don’t know how to just follow someone else around. I am burdened by the need for communication. I am so confused when there is no or little communication. It throws me into a flurry of thoughts.
Are men in their early 30’s self-absorbed? I feel like they are focussed on selling themselves to me instead of getting to know me. Alex tells me all about himself, but I don’t even know if he has even told me in this last month one compliment to me. He does not say I am pretty or I am good snowboard or anything.
It leaves me feeling disconnected from him and wondering if he has any real interest in me.
Maybe I am just a complainer and no man will ever be good enough for me.
Follow a smart, savvy, stylish woman from her late twenties through her early 30's as she not only searches for love but researches love in the modern world. Are her problems in finding love specific to her, her gender, her age or her geography?
