Thursday, December 31, 2009

Last of 2009

This morning Michelle is remembered fondly in all the papers and on the news. Her death is slowly seeping into me.

It is a tough time of year, here we approach a New Year, only a few hours away. We want to celebrate 2009 and all we have accomplished and survive while putting forth new wishes and dreams which we want to have come to fruition in 2010. Then losing someone so close and so special in such a tragic way places a spin on perspective.

What is important? My primary wishes for 2010 is health and family.

Every morning in yoga for my prayer I think of my mother and I want her to be healthy and strong again. I also think of myself and how I really want to meet someone incredibly special who I can share my life with. I have watched my father care for my mother during this difficult time and I am learning a new meaning of marriage and commitment. He has been an incredible support for my family. I want that same strength in a partner for myself.

I have had the bad luck of falling for men who disappear when life gets tough. They have abandoned me when I needed someone who could help. These last two men in my life have taught me that I only have myself in life to depend on. I only have myself to be there for me when life gets tough. Yet, I see my father and I see that he is there for my Mother 24/7. He doesn't get mad, and throw a hissy fit and walk out the door when it gets hard. He stays. And not only does he stay, but he provides a place of warmth, compassion, nurturing and love.

This is what I want. I want a man who not only stays when life is hard but he makes life a better place and he transforms hard times into times of love.

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