Love Stuck

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes

I had a crazy meeting this evening with my living passionately seminar group. The habit in me wants to make 2 of them wrong, and me right - this is also the victim in me. No service here.

So what happened and what I heard can be two entirely different items. Let's start with what I heard.

I was talking about how I was feeling sad that I would have no one buying me anything special for Valentine's Day. It was all fine. I asked for homework and I was given the job to view every man whom I meet this week as great. When I meet a man my perspective is that he is great.

The Mid-wife and early retired multi-millionaire decided that the problem was being sugar coated. This is where I start to get really confused and really emotional. What Nick heard was the mid-wife beginning to talk about my business and that it got mixed in with my ability to create a relationship. What I heard was that if I want to meet someone who is a go-getter and successful in business then I have to be that myself. The mid-wife said that I was not that.

She then asked me what my back-up plan was for myself if my business fails. I was in shock. I had no back-up plan. I responded with, "I believe so absolutely that my business is going to be a success that it has not even occurred to me that this would not happen for me."

By this time, I was clearly upset. Someone had to get me tissues.

She said that there are 3 key elements in creating a business. Two of them are the ability to accept credit cards and location. She continued to point out that right now I do not have 2 of these. So my business is not successful.

I was in shock again. I did not take it well. I pointed out that yes I have had low days of sales and yes I do not have the ability to accept credit cards. However, I put into action last week steps to change this. Steps of working towards the future, the summer and all along the journey creating absolutely the best business I can.

I am not Ya Ms. But. I am a doer. I am putting my words into action. I am making my life happen. I do not take well to people who "play" the devil's advocate, becuase they are not playing, they really are the the devil's advocate. I do not have space in my life for people who do not support me. Nor do I need people to say all squishy sweet things to make me feel good. I need people who are going to see the obstacles and assist me in finding a route through them or around them.

The early retired multi-millionaire suggested that I was being deperate and needy with men, then the mid-wife said I was being like this with my business. So basically they said that I was being desperate and needy, putting my life on hold until I met someone, and I was sugar coating everything.

I am still upset with these comments. I feel like I get very defensive about this desperate and needy and putting my life on hold comments.

Yes, there are certain aspects to being an adult that I thought I would experience and share with a partner. Well, I don't have a partner, but I have still experienced these things. I have taken so much on in my life. I have done and accomplished so much with my dreams and goals, and I have done it on my own. I am the furthest thing from putting my life on hold. I have already lived 3 lifetimes in my experiences in everything but love. In love.... well, yes, this is an area where I have not really felt and experienced what I hope to experience. Yes, this does hurt sometimes. Yes, I talk about it when it hurts.... no, I do not talk about it when I am feeling good. So, I bring up relationships tonight for the first time with my group and the conclusion that two of them decide on is that I am desperate, needy, putting my life on hold, and my business is not successful.

So on to the great things. I left the meeting crying. I was truly upset and I still get upset when I think about it. I walked along the ocean and listened to my Gremlin and watched the full moon. I went to the water and crouched on a rock.

I asked the universe for help. I contemplated that I was doing the wrong thing, that my business was not the path for me, that I was heading in the wrong direction. Then I asked the Universe for a CLEAR sign that the path I am taking is correct; that my business is going to be successful; that I will be successful; that I will achieve the capital to start the summer business plans; that this is just another obstacle on the path to success.

I sat there in silence.

My text beeper went off. I opened up my phone. It said "Yes".

Crazy. It was from Brent. I texted him two days ago... I don't know what he is responding to.

I got up from the beach, and was on the path when my text beeper went off. I opened up the phone, it said "Yes" again.

Strange. I got back to my van and my text beeper went off again. It said "Yes" again.

Now I am smiling and laughing. I texted back, "R U Sure?".

A little while later when I was driving my text beeper went off again. It said, "Yes".

Then it went off a fifth and sixth time and it said "Yes".

Six times I got the "Yes" message.

Crazy. Very Clear. Very, very clear.

live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 4:25 PM