Love Stuck

Feeling what I want

I am feeling like I am on edge. Like I am standing at the top of an abyss. I am so close to going over that edge. No matter what I am going over. This is my point in life where the ride is about to get really wild and crazy.

Who am I going to be going over the edge?

I spent the last several years climbing to this place. I made a collage of myself when I was 21. It is me standing on a mountain top with a bird of prey on my shoulder. This is my power picture. It is showing me where I am going. Now, it is happening. And, I am scared.

My business is about to totally change. It is about to get big. Really big. My love life is about to explode or implode. And, this could be the moment which I have been resisting from.

Maybe, Yoga Man is the guy for me. Maybe, he is not. Maybe, what works is to love him no matter what he does - calling or not calling. Maybe, this is what I am suppose to do in all areas of my life - love no matter what.

I am guilty of withdrawing my love when I am mad. I hold back. It is as if I am looking for a reason to make someone wrong, becuase once they are wrong then I don't have to love them. Then I can be safe and unharmed. I will not experience hurt from another person because I will not be placed in a position where they could hurt me. I can not be vulnerable.

This can be my life. Making others wrong so I don't have to be vulnerable.

OR, I can be vulnerable, and risk the possibility that I may feel bad if... something happens.

What happens?

Is it possible that I love Jesse?

I have been poking around. Poking you. Poking him. Poking her. Poking everything. Tasting it, sampling it, digging at it. It has been a high energy time. Tons of new people. All the time, every day. It is exciting and it is full-on.

Now.... I want a new experience.

I want to feel something deeper and closer to me. I want to feel an understanding. An understood. A knowing.

I want to burst with love and enthusiasm. I want to shine.

I want to drop into a total abyss of love, healing and peace.

I want to be the reason that in life people believe that anything is possible.

I want to be a leader of this power.

I want to be total love. I want to get of my world and get into everybody elses.

I want to be power. I want to share. I want to be in love. I want to allow myself to be vulnerable to experience love. I want it.




live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 1:32 PM