Love Stuck

Scary

Stoned. Finally.... I need to be grounded. I need to stop flying for a moment. I need to breathe. I need to stretch. I feel like I am moving so quickly and I am in this tornado blazing through life. I moving too quickly to make distinctions

"It's Jesse calling. um, ya. It has been a few days since I've saw you. And, and you haven't called me. Don't you think it would be nice to call someone after you kissed them. Just to make them feel like they weren't just... being used as a play thing.... I'm only joking. Anyway, Give me a call. You're probably really busy. But, ah, when you get a chance, maybe, later tonight, I'm teaching this evening. Give me call, and we can make plans. Get together. Hope everything is going well and I 'll talk to you soon."

I recieved this message today at around 3:30. I was so busy being mad with him for not calling sooner, that I did not hear the message he sent me. I was stuck in my head. I was making him wrong and a typical man. His actions were not good enough. It had occurred to me that he was making fun of me for feeling crazy about him not calling. Of course, he does not know how I am feeling becuase we have not spoken since Sunday.

It was not until this moment when I played his message over and over again in order to type it out that I actually understood how beautiful this message is. For one thing he called. I really am excited that he called. It feels really good. He also said something really cute and touching in the message. He spoke about how it is important to call someone after kissing.

Now, I am back in reactionary. I called him back today - probably too soon, as I had a message with an iron fist. I smiled while I said it, but I was not being truly excited or happy on the phone. This is why he leaves because nothing he does is good enough. All he did was have a really good time with me and call me afterwards. Then I make him wrong..... only becuase I am feeling insecure, nervous and threatened by the possibility of falling in love.

I have been picking him apart for a couple of days. I have not spoken to him in a few. But, maybe men really do have intuition and maybe they really can tell when they are entering a battle zone - and only after the first date.



live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 1:13 PM