Love Stuck

Fuck Approval of Men.

Okay, so it is true I was breathing a huge sigh of relief yesturday when Yoga Man did not call. But, now it is today and evening time, and still no word. It is the end of the 3rd day. I was out celebrating a friend's 30th Birthday - and it is a consensus to give him the boot. He has officially been deleted from my phone. This will thwart all temptation on my part of calling him.

So why has he not called? He asked me out for a party on the 22nd of July, but he has not called to check in and let me know that he likes me and he is thinking of me.

According to "He's Just Not that Into You" and my girlfriends, he has not called becuase he is just not thinking of me and he is just not that into me.

According to "ManWoman Weekend", I am suppose to savour the waiting of him not calling and when he finally does call I am suppose to be happy and give him approval for calling.

According to "Mars and Venus", he has not called becuase he is a man and from Mars. Therefore, he does not call when he likes me and he does not call when he does not like me. He just does not call.

According to me... well, there is the part of me that is still making the excuses - "he has been really busy, I have been too busy too call men I like. He likes me, he really does, he even said he liked me. He just got too busy to call. He'll call when he is less busy. It was really special when we were kissing. I totally felt it - he likes me."

There is the I-got-had-again, "Fuck, this time, the third time, I believed him when he said he liked me and when he was kissing me. But, once again he obviously does not like if he has not called. I am going to give him hell when he calls and tell him what a fucking fuck-up he is."

There is also the he is not the one, "Fuck being happy and approving when he calls. I want to be with a man who calls me becuase he can's stop thinking of me. That he is so enthralled with me, that he wants to ask me out again before another man has time to ask me out. That he wants to gobble me up and shower attention on me. That he wants to be with me, that he enjoys being with me so much, that he will call me every day to let me know that he is there and not to fill his space with another man."

Yoga Man has failed. Waiting 3 days to call does not work. It is automatic failure. I feel a little sad about this. I really believed for like 32 hours that this could be something. I believed it so much that I hardly flinched when I got stood by Johnny for my Monday night date. So I texted my fall back man - Older Man - after dinner.

"I just had dinner, am wanting desert."

No answer.

I am going to sleep now. I will dream happy thoughts. I am feeling like I am back in my place of men are assholes and slimes. I will need a good sleep and some heavy flirting and a date and a make-out session and him calling me back the next day to get over this.

Fuck approving of men. I will give them approval when they fucking deserve it.

live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 2:30 PM