Love Stuck

Maybe I romantisize what being in a relationship is. A couple of days ago I wrote about how wonderful it would be to just know that you are going to spend New Years with your lover. But, what I saw last night was something totally different. I saw two couples struggling to not only please each other but their friends as well.

In the couple scenerio, the individual could not say, I am going to do this. Because, when they said this there were at least 2 or 3 other people they had to take into account - their lover and their friend and their friend's lover. It turned into a red hot evening. There was 8 of us, three of which are Brazilian. This is too many people to organize. All of us wanted to party, dance and have a let loose party time, except for the two Canadian men who had people they promised they would see or they were chasing the little white powder and just trying to get their hands on more..

It ended up being 6 of us following these two men around to two very boring parties and a fun party where we were for the countdown. The group of 5 us garnished a bad attitude at the first boring party. It was in someone's parents home in a chi-chi part of town. The whole house was decorated in beige. The music was this weird elevator music. It was boring. But, it was also where one of the city's big coke dealers was..... so I guess the party had a lot of coke at it. There were a lot of really high people just being really high and listening to bad music. The five us who had a really big amount of energy which was ready to explode wanted to find something alive, something to get a little crazy at.

I reached my boiling point.... at about 2:45am, after I had spent 2 hours working towards the party I wanted to go to. I lost all patience with the situation. I was very much like, you are either in this taxi or out of it.... there is no, hmming and hawing. I get totally dramatic when I drink and lose my patience. Like I am totally over the top. My mouth is big, I am straight forward and cutting.

This Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde personality is the reason I am not drinking for a month. I do not like how I switch. I don't hang onto my anger.... I just puke out the words in a tongue and cheek way. It is very rude to the people I am with. My goal is to not be like this anymore. So no more alcohol.

Anyways, last night I was so happy to be single.

live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 5:40 AM