Love Stuck

Having Babies Conversation.

I was doing so well with my new possibilities of being loving and happy until..... I went for dinner with 7 couples and they started talking about planning for babies. I would have totally freaked out if I had any alcohol in me.... thank god I was sober. So I just sat back, recognized the emotions, acknowledge my break down and then I thought.... I am creating myself to be loving and happy because these are just rackets.

It sort of worked, nobody knew I was having a mental breakdown... but, my wall reappeared. I felt disengaged for the rest of the evening.

What I did notice last night was that many people are disengaged. That being engaged and present is a very unusual and weird occurance.

I think there were a couple of married men also freaking out about the baby conversation. I think that the four of us in the conversation were all freaking out privately.

Dillon was totally withdrawn and blending in with the furniture in an absolutely brilliant way. He and his wife are trying to make babies right now. He might have been freaking out about this being his reality very soon.

John was responding to Jenn, who was the one talking about babies, but he was definately not saying a lot. He is married and still a law student, he could have been freaking out about the financial resposibility.

Jenn was talking about wanting babies in the next 3-4 years, but she is freaking out because her boyfriend still has not proposed, and the clock is ticking.

I am freaking out, because if her clock is ticking, what is mine doing and I am still single. There is no way I am even close to having babies. I could be 40 by the time I have a baby, if I ever have babies. Then I think, I better go work out tomorrow and do yoga 6 days a week. This will help me have babies when I am 40.

Today I woke up and walking for an hour, then yoga for 1.5 hours, then walking for another hour. I touched my abs alot to make sure they are strong. I want to be in good shape for having babies at 40.

Everyone is disengaged and freaking out.

live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 5:21 PM