Love Stuck

Sharing - Assignment 3

Assignment 3 for the forum is to write a letter to someone who I have been inauthentic with or have been running a racket with.

Who.... I am thinking Brent. Or, Jenn. Or.... there are a few. I also need to make some phone calls. Oh god. I am so scared to do this. I feel like I have been too terrible. I am going to sleep and I will see what happens.

Or, just to finish this Assignment I will do it now.

Dear Brent,

What I came to the Landmark Forum to accomplish is to create success in business and to create better relationships. What I am actually accomplishing is seeing where I have been inauthentic with the people I care about in my life. I am also realizing that my inauthenticity has an impact on my life and those around me. I have been afraid of showing men that I care. Instead, I have been tough and resigned. My fear is that if I allow myself to care about someone, and if I let them know that I care, that they will reject me. That they will see this caring as a weakness in me. The reason I have this as a fear is because there have been close relationships in my life, where I really liked someone and I openly communicated this to them... then shortly after the relationship. I have corrolated these two incidents to be the same. I have made caring mean rejection.

The possibility that I have invented for myself and my life is the possibility of being courageous and loving. I want to be courageous enough to be loving.

I have not acknowledge how generous, patient and good you are to me. I am willing to give up my belief that caring for someone is bad. I am willing to give up my belief that I need to be tough and beautiful in order to be accepted. I am ready to graciously recieve all that you have to offer. I am willing to create the possibility that your intentions for wanting to get to know me better are true and authentic. I am willing to create the possibility of being courageous as I open myself up to you. I am willing to create the possibility that you actually like me for me. I invite you to explore greater possibilities for our relationship with me.

Unity

So, I write the letter. I bawled while I wrote this letter. Then I added the last line... and I totally freaked out in my mind. I began a racket of... oh, I don't mean like being exclusive or falling in love or having sex or ..... basically, I totally freaked out because I felt weak and vulnerable. Meaning, I am totally like this huge target which would be really easy to reject.

Fuck.

live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 6:55 PM