Love Stuck

Funerals

Today I went to the my second funeral of 2010. A friend's dad. It was Christian base and I was bored in the church. Please, when I die, do not have any long religious chats at my service.

I did a double yoga class this morning. Ran into Jamie + Kate at second class. Jamie and I went for coffee and oatmeal at Wicked Cafe afterwards and had a long deep intimate talk.

I am wanting to learn about myself and who I am being perceived as by those people around me. Dr. Jeff told me yesterday in our session that he sees me as someone who comes off as objectifying others and using them according to what they can offer me. A pretty strong reflection. Is it true? Yes, there are elements to it that are true. It was hard to hear it.

But, regardless of whether it is true or not, the upsetting part is that someone perceives me as this.

I don't think I am playing the game of life right now. I am struggling and confused and unsure. I am stuck and insecure about taking a new step. I am hiding. I want to be a recluse and avoid.

Ling told me tonight that I have no choice when it comes to dating, if I don't keep picking myself an continuing then I will just be a spinster. True. This scares me.

I am reaching a place where I want a relationship because I do not want to be on my own. Is this bad? I am feeling alone and I have been on my own for a long time. But right now I want intimacy and closeness.

live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 2:03 PM