Love Stuck

Confused

The thing that sucks about me right now is that I have no concept of what is going on in my life right now.

I like Alex – but he is hot and cold. He does the sweetest things followed up with zero contact for a few days. Then another sweet thing; then nothing.

Does he like me but he is a terrible communicator?

Does he just enjoy sleeping with me, but he has another girl on the horizon?

Does he not like me but is being friendly because that is just how he is?

Is he just not into me?

Does he have a girlfriend?

I don’t have any idea what is going on. I am just confused and this yo-yo with my heart is upsetting for me as it rips opens deep scars that are not fully healed. So I pull away in order to protect myself.

Then I ask myself the question, is this why he is being the way he is because he is also pulling away?

Does this make me psycho to think he may actually like me but is equally scared. Is this psychotic?

I have zero confidence when it comes to men. I have little stabbings and break-ups every month. Then I have had the big break-ups where the pain is always right there – so close to the surface..

I hurt.

I feel alone right now.

My married girlfriends are married and enjoying their lives. They get to plan their future with someone. Think about and have babies. Wear diamonds and sometimes not even work. They don’t invite me over to watch hockey games or to the pub for burgers when they all go.

My single girlfriends, will come when I ask them out. But, I am noticing that I am getting very few invitations by them. At the end of the day, they tend to be shitty wind ladies and treat it all like a competition. I feel like I don’t trust them around the men I like/am dating/have dated/would like to date. These girls want to prove that they can get him too.

My single guy friends are either trying to fuck me, or we tried and it didn’t work.

My guy friends in relationships are not allowed to hang out with me because their lady gets upsets.

So this all leaves me alone. Feeling lonely.

Alex is just too busy to call or to see me. He sends me random texts days apart. We are not friends on FB and we just started emailing yesterday. But, was he just buttering me up so he could get the photos from Whistler Friday Riding Day?

I don’t know. I just know that I am confused and hurting and alone.

It is time for me to change my life. But I don’t know how. I am in a rut and stuck.

Dear God,

I want to share my life experience with someone. I want to feel reassured and comforted. I want to share respect and trust. I want to say what my boundaries are without fear of being mis-interpreted. I want to meet that special someone for me. I want to have kids and be a lady of leisure. I want to experience it all . I am ready. Please, god and my guardian angels, it is time, I have waited, I have been tested, I have been patient. I know it is time for me to meet someone.. Please have this happen soon with fluidity and love and excitement and confidence. I am ready to share my life with someone. Please.

Thank you.

U

posted by Lady Leisure @ 7:44 AM