Love Stuck

Old Journal Entry - July 2005

I am currently single, and this has been my state of being since September 2001. For four years I have been walking my path alone. I have been strong, I have been making decisions to purely suit my own goals and ambitions. I have determined my direction.

Four years ago I made a commitment to myself to become my own best friend, to love and accept myself. I did it. Now, I sit here in Vancouver... looking at this path I created, this path I walked. I know that I am stronger, braver, more loving, more accepting, more determined, more calm, more and more because I gifted myself this time.

I want to be a leader. However, there is so much I need to overcome right now in my life in order to make this a possibility. During 2005, I feel like I have been hitting pot-hole after pot-hole. This year has been expansions and contractions - I have been experiencing each, however the contractions feel like they have been more dominant and difficult to overcome. I have had experiences and emotions this year which I never thought possible. Here I am in the last few months of my 29th circumference of the sun, and I ask the universe, friends, family and acquaintances for help and guidance. I need some time to lean on someone until I can be the strength I want to be.

The past few months I have been seeking answers or understanding to some heavy ideas. Perhaps, this is what India triggered in me - a desire to understand social standing. I thought I was going to India to experience a spiritual enlightment... instead, my outlook on social achievement has drastically shifted. I want to give back. I want to help, but the immense need for help is strong, that it is overwhelming. Where does one start? However, in helping I do not want to lose my own ambition to be successful. More than ever, I feel this immense deep burning to be financially successful.

live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 2:45 AM