Love Stuck

Purging

I did an Iowaska Ceremony last Saturday. It was good. Very mellow and relaxing. Not at all what I had anticipated it to be like.

I did not purge nor have a bad gut during the ceremony. There was some discomfort but nothing like I had experienced before in Ecuador. I was left the sense that I am constipated in my life. That I have a lot of stuck energy blocking everything.

Since the ceremony I have been focussing on one physical area of my life to purge - to clean, to throw out everything which is not serving me or contributing to my constipation.

Once again B and I are struggling. This is the furthest I have come from him - we have not seen each other since February 4th, in Tokyo. My friend Trent who I did the ceremony with compared me with a crack addict. Like I am just addicted to B and I start to wilt and fall apart when I don't have my fix. It is such a gross comparison and sadly so true. So we made a bet. Everytime I call B for the next two months until June 5th, then I owe Trent a $20 store credit.

I have started a rebound relationship. It has been so much fun. Sometimes I think I like the guy because I do enjoy his company immensely and I do spend a lot of time with him. But, I am scared of liking him for a few reasons. One being he is everything B was not - tall, 35 years, has hair, a bit pudgy, urban, slick styles, amazing communicator, works for big company, blue collar, slobby in his home, immaculate in his dress, stability and security.

I fluxuate between these two men. Sometimes I miss B immensely and I push Rebound away. Or, I am with Rebound and I push B away. But, basically I am replacing my crack addiction with cocaine.

Or, I am replacing my crack addiction with Big Brother 9. Wow, truly out there. So I am trying to replace my BB9 addiction with purging my life.


live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. choose with no regret. laugh. do what you love.

posted by Lady Leisure @ 2:24 AM